Approximately three weeks before my 40th birthday, the decision was made—I am going to have a baby. I was more excited about this decision than anything that had ever happened to me. Graduating from high school. Graduating from college and law school. Getting married. Even getting divorced (I actually danced with joy the day my divorce was final). None of these momentous events compare with the excitement I felt upon deciding to become a mother.
This decision to venture into the land of Motherhood was the most exciting thing that had ever happened to me. But (yes, there is a BUT), with the excitement came nervousness. “Why am I nervous?”, you might ask. Simply put, it is truly amazing, and somewhat terrifying, how this one decision can change your entire life.
The most obvious and important change was that I needed two surgeries before I could actually start trying to conceive. I had a D&C with a hysteroscopy three days before my 40th birthday. The doctor removed several uterine polyps. My recovery was pretty quick. By my birthday, I was able to go out shopping. But there was not good news to be had. The doctor opined that my uterus, the size of a 16-week pregnancy because of uterine fibroids, might cause a problem with me getting pregnant. So he referred me to a Reproductive Endocrinologist (“RE”). He also referred me to the RE because I would need to conceive by intrauterine insemination, being that I was single. Not happy with the first RE, I saw an RE in a different practice. In the end, I found out that I needed a fairly serious surgery to remove the fibroids. I would be out of work for six weeks and I would not be able to start trying to conceive for at least three months after the surgery.
The second major change was my propensity to shop!! Shopping and spending money was a hobby for me. Interestingly enough, having made the decision to conceive a child, I have not had the desire to shop, spend money. Budgeting has become second nature for me. It’s awe-inspiring how the thought of having to concentrate on someone other than yourself will force you to change without feeling as if you gave anything up. Out of necessity, I have to be more frugal with my money and the decisions I make. I have to increase my life insurance and health insurance, pay off bills, start a college fund, write a will! I have started to think like a mom, not like a single person who has no obligations other than to herself!!!
Another change for me was the car I drive. For the past 11 years, I’d driven only convertibles. Looking at the backseat of my Ford Mustang convertible, I quickly discounted the idea of driving a baby around in that little sports car. As a show of faith, I traded my Mustang in for a very safe, very reliable, Volvo XC90. I must explain what a major decision this was. First, I’d just purchased my Mustang a few months before. Second, I absolutely hate SUVs and said I would never drive one. Everyone was floored when I purchased the SUV. But it was not about me and what I liked or what I wanted. It was about the safety of the child I was preparing to conceive. This was just further evidence that I was beginning to think like a mother.
The next major change is my home. My precious little one needs a room of his or her own. So, I have to convert my office (which was actually designed as a bedroom) into the nursery. And my family room will become the family room/office. This is not such a major sacrifice. The bigger sacrifice for me is giving up the closet in the room that is now going to be the nursery. Everyone in my circle has laughed at this little tidbit! “What are you going to do with all those clothes,” they would ask while laughing heartily. Who knows? And frankly, I don’t care. If need be, the Goodwill is always happy to accept beautiful clothes in good condition. All that matters to me is that my baby has a place in my home where he or she feels loved, safe, welcome, warm and secure.
Yes, these are all major changes in my life! But, I will and am doing every single one of them with joy!! These are not all the changes I will experience. So many more will make themselves known on a daily basis. I look forward to each and every one of them with eagerness. I reverence the opportunity to make my baby’s world as loving and as beautiful as practically possible. I’m preparing my life for that bundle of joy that will pervade every area of my existence and I can’t wait!!
Learn more about my decision to pursue intrauterine insemination next time.
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